The Awkward Years - Part II
A continuation of a discussion about life’s “Awkward Years”.
I wanted to continue here, with a truth and a picture:
Everyone has awkward years.
I certainly did.
This is me with a few buddies during my awkward years.
I’m the second from the left. Yep. The guy with the glasses, the sideburns, the attempted soul-patch, the greasy hair and the white coral necklace. CORAL. What was I thinking? Giving the camera that sideways stare like I knew it all.
These were some of the most lost years of my life. I was aimless. I felt like I was waiting for life to begin. I was done high school, but real adult life was nowhere to be found. The longer this period of time went on the more self-destructive I got.
For a period of about 3-4 years between finishing high school and joining Hawk Nelson, I didn’t have a whole lot of purpose in my life. Sure, I was part of a church, and I was active there. I had a job and I had friends. Even still, there was always something missing. I needed direction. Goals. Something to put my mind and hands to.
I knew I wanted to do music, so I started a band, and then another band, and then another. I was restless, and never really finished things I started. Nothing seemed to click. I started to doubt myself - my own abilities and gifts. It started to seem as though life made sense for everyone but me. I didn’t seem to fit anywhere.
These years seemed completely pointless at the time. So the question is - were they?
I don’t think so, and here’s why.
I look back at these years all the time. Partially because there were some fun times (I was incredibly reckless), but mostly because these years remind me that God always has a plan. During these awkward years of my life, God was working behind the scenes. He was preparing me, and also preparing the people He planned to bring into my life.
At the time, my wife would have been about 15, probably living out some of her own awkward years down in California. Who knows what would have happened if we had met during that time? God knew that we would be married in the future, but also knew that neither of us was ready. He had a lot of work to accomplish in each of us first, and He was waiting for the timing to be right.
If I had joined Hawk Nelson early on in these awkward years, I never would have been given the chance to grow into leading worship at church and youth events, and I doubt I would have come to feel so deeply about worship music. I have a suspicion that I will return to being a lot more involved in worship music sometime in the future, and I’m sure I’ll draw on those years of my life for inspiration. God had work to do in me before sending me out on the road with Hawk Nelson.
Also, God was teaching me the value of patience. Only a spoiled child gets whatever he wants whenever he wants it. Marriage means more to me because it took me a while to get there. A career is more valuable to me because I floundered for a while before finding it. Those years help me appreciate what I have. I’m grateful for those years.
God uses these awkward years to build you into who he made you to be. It’s so difficult to see at the time, but in retrospect, it’s amazing to see how God is constantly preparing things behind the curtains.
I needed the awkward years. To grow and put down roots.
Think about it this way.
When a tree is first planted, it doesn’t seem to grow much for the first few years. This is because it’s growing below the ground. You can’t see it, but the roots grow out and deep first…. only once the tree has a strong root system can it start to grow its branches and leaves above ground.
So if you feel like that is where you are right now…. and you’re not sure what your purpose is at the moment… this is it. You’re growing below the surface. You might not even be able to sense it yourself…. but it’s happening right now.
God is preparing you for the future he has for you.
