The Awkward Years - Part III
The conclusion to a discussion about life’s “Awkward Years”.
I wanted to conclude here, with another thought, and this one may or may not make you feel better….
The awkward years never entirely end.
Sucks, doesn’t it? But it’s the truth.
Here’s what I mean by it….
The things that we worry about the most during this time, we tend to worry about our entire lives.
Who am I?
What is my purpose?
Am I capable of fulfilling it?
What if I can’t do it?
What if I’m not good enough?
As we grow up and into adulthood, these questions tend to linger in the back of our minds. It’s easy to look at successful people and think that they don’t worry about these kinds of things, but that is a lie. They absolutely do worry about these things. In fact, I sometimes think that success ups the ante on these questions. The more successful someone is, the more others tend to rely on them, and the more crucial it begins to feel that they need to have the the answers to these questions.
The truth is that nobody has it really figured out.
Think about this.
Most children tend to think that their parents know it all, and have all the answers. You can see why they would think that. As children, we had so little life experience that an adult appeared to have infinite experience. As we got older, we began to question our parents’ judgment. We began to assert our own thoughts and opinions. This felt great at first.
Then comes the fateful day where we see our parents make a mistake. A big one. One we don’t think we would have made. It’s a terrifying experience. In our heads, we already know that our parents don’t know everything, and they’re not perfect… but this experience brings that knowledge down to our hearts, and it leaves us feeling incredibly uneasy… because it shows us that our parents struggle with these questions just as much as we do. They STILL do.
They ask themselves questions like…
Am I a good parent?
Am I doing a good job raising my kids?
Would their childhood be better if we had more money? Or less?
Am I spoiling them? Or am I too hard on them?
Would their childhood be better if we lived somewhere else? Or if we moved less?
Are they missing out on anything?
Am I teaching them about God the way I should?
Am I turning into my father/mother?
Look at these questions….. Do you see that they’re just variations of the questions we asked ourselves before?
Who am I?
What is my purpose?
Am I capable of fulfilling it?
What if I can’t do it?
What if I’m not good enough?
The only difference is that now life has superimposed specifics onto the questions. The stakes have been raised, because the questions don’t just involve them anymore… the questions involve their children… You.
So our search for the answers to these questions never really ends.
While that thought seems daunting at first, it’s also liberating…. because it means that everyone on earth continues to struggle with these thoughts to this day. Everyone. Including the cool kids at school, the boss at your job, your teachers, politicians, presidents. Each of them is searching for these answers too. You are not alone.
I tend to think that part of the process of moving on from the awkward years is partially the acceptance of this fact. We know we don’t have it all figured out, and we know that nobody else does either.
As we get older, we continue to learn, and life gets a little less awkward as time passes. Haha. If we stay humble and constantly ready to learn, we get better at dealing with people, better at relationships. We start to figure out things we are good at and interested in, and follow those hints towards a life purpose.
Through all of these steps there will be hard times. There will be new awkward phases that come and go with new challenges and lessons. I’ve heard that the average person changes careers five times in their life. I’d be willing to bet most of those career changes are produced by an awkward year or two.
We all worry about the future. I certainly do. I wonder if (and hope that) the boys and I will do the HN band thing for another year, five years, ten years, or however long - and I wonder what I will do afterwards. I wonder how I will provide for the family and children that I would love to have someday. These thoughts are constantly in the back of my mind.
If I can give any advice for these times - and I’m speaking to myself as much as anyone…. I would share these thoughts….
- Stay close to God. He is the paver of the path.
- Stay humble. Pride will delay blessings far more than failure will.
- Stay kind. Be good to those around you, a blessing, not a burden.
- Stay positive. I’m constantly amazed at how far unstoppable joy will take you.
“My brothers and sisters, think of the various tests you encounter as occasions for joy. After all, you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. Let this endurance complete its work so that you may be fully mature, complete, and lacking in nothing.” - James 1:2-4, Common English Bible
Thanks for bearing with me on this incredibly long rabbit-trail.
Jonathan
