On the plane to Australia I watched one of my favorite movies, and found that it was not a favorite anymore. Weird feeling. 

I hadn’t watched this movie in quite some time…. And I assumed I’d love it just as much as I used to. Instead I found myself watching it with new eyes. 

I first saw it over 10 years ago. I had just moved out on my own, and I was so unsure of my direction in life. Insecure. Quiet in groups of people. The guy in the movie is just like this. He was someone I could identify with back then…. constantly paralyzed by fear and uncertainty. I was that guy.

I am floored by how little I identified with him this time around. Obviously the movie hasn’t changed. The story is the same, the characters are the same, and the ending is the same. 

It’s me that’s changed. 

I still experience fear, but I am learning to refuse to be paralyzed by it. I still experience uncertainty, but I recognize it as a part of life, and do my best to move forward. Watching the movie, I still identify with those feelings. They haven’t gone away. Fear and doubt never leave. I just try not to feed them. 

We choose what to feed, I think. When I begin to feel afraid of something, I steel myself for the urge I know is coming. The urge to run. To back away. To avoid the opportunities for hurt and failure to strike. However, if I act on that urge, I miss opportunities for joy as well. That last thought is where the energy comes from. I’ve known few joys as great as the joy of a fear conquered. You can feed the fear, or feed the courage to find the joy beyond it. 

This actually enters my decision making processes now. When faced with a tough decision, I try to ascertain which route I’m most terrified of. I see the opportunity to conquer another fear. Or fall flat on my face. Either way, I refuse to succumb to it, and that’s a triumph in itself. 

I can feel determination grow in me. I refuse to be a slave to fear. I repeat this to myself. 

I’d rather have a history of failed somethings than successful nothings. Immobility is the greatest of all failures, and one that you can avoid by choice. The race isn’t over. Keep moving. I repeat this to myself as well. 

I can’t know how it all will end, but every day I can choose where to begin, and what to feed. 

God, thank you for life and breath and for the time that we are given. Thank you for melodies and phrases. Thank you for families and friends. Thank you for courage, the fire inside each of us that is kindled by your love, and ignited by our suffering. Thank you that you know better than we do. 

Ive been thinking a lot recently about safety. Security. As a man, and a husband, it’s something that’s built into me. I want to provide a safe place for myself and my wife, and someday, my kids.

The more I can provide this with my own two hands, the better. I’m the kind of guy that likes to be in control. I like to plan, and execute. I like to have backup plans. All of this is an effort to insulate myself and my family from the dangers that exist in the world. To create a barrier between me and life.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with this. There’s nothing unwise about being careful when it comes to important things…. but at the end of the day we have to admit that we can’t control everything. There is only so much we can prepare for, and we are not all-knowing, all-seeing, or all-powerful.

I remember being in high school, and being told how important my grades were to my future. Get good grades, and that will lead to a good university, and that will lead to a good job, and that will lead to a good life. This was drilled into most of us, right? ….and it’s not entirely untrue…. It’s just like the security thing. None of these things guarantees anything.

That’s what we’re really talking about, right? Life comes with zero guarantees. You can do everything right, and still end up with nothing. You might even look over at a guy that made all the mistakes in the world, and somehow ended up with a great job and a beautiful family…. How did that happen?

These days, I bet a lot of people are asking themselves that. Maybe folks that went to college and got a degree, and found themselves unable to find a job afterwards…. Or people that lost a job at a company that they never dreamed would become unstable. There are a ton of people in tough spots right now because life came with no guarantees. I can empathize. Especially right now.

I only know of one guarantee that I can trust in. I know that Jesus Christ has saved my soul, and that when I die (there’s a guarantee) I will go to be with Him in heaven. I can think of no greater guarantee and good news!

But - for many, the obvious question is: How does that help me right now?

Sometimes, as believers in Jesus, it’s easy for us to simply say…. “Jesus is the answer.” and walk away. It’s almost an excuse not to empathize. An excuse not to help in a practical way. We tell ourselves, “God has a plan for them, and will take care of them.” and thats true.

However, there’s an element to the equation we don’t think about as much. God’s provision involves his followers. We are here to do more than talk. We are here to serve. Sometimes that’s messy. Sometimes it’s inconvenient. Sometimes it costs you something…. But I can think of no greater security on this earth than this….

So if you’re hurting and tired today….. Worried about the present, and scared about the future, this is what I want you to know…

The One who made you holds you, and He will never let you go. There are millions of us who know Him too, and we are here to pick each other up. As God loves you, we want to love you. We’ll get tripped up in our own struggles sometimes, but know that you are not alone in this. Ask for help. Ask to talk to someone. Don’t face life alone. We weren’t built for that.

There are no guarantees until we step into eternity. Until then, God has given us each other.

New Year’s. What a sneaky holiday.

Just as you’ve finished polishing off a turkey, stuffing, and 8 pounds of pie, it ambushes you. It’s like it knows its big brother Christmas will get all the attention, so it just lingers a few days behind, and smacks you faster than you can say “No-one actually calls it having thirds, right? It’s still called having seconds?”

Classic.

Yeah…. Thanks Pope Gregory XIII. Put the most reflective holiday exactly 1 week after the holiday on which we indulge the most. Nothing like starting a new year with an extra 10 pounds of cake on ya. It’s almost as if someone knew we’d have to hit bottom before we’d even consider anything like a New Years Resolution. Ahhhh those clever Catholics! 

• Side Note: The week between Christmas and New Years has got to be the LEAST productive week of the year. Nobody really takes it seriously, right? It’s like a free week of….. Whatever. …. and then BAM come the resolutions!

New Years Resolutions are probably one of my favorite parts of the end of the year. I just love hearing all the grandiose changes people plan on making all at once, expecting it to stick like magic. Do you know what percentage of New Years Resolutions are kept for the entire year? 8 percent. That means 92% of resolutions fail. 

I’m not rooting for failure here, I’m just wondering if maybe there’s a better way to do this…. maybe some adjustments can be made to help us actually meet our goals. Here are some thoughts. 

1. Set reasonable goals. 

2. Set a real timetable for results.

3. Start small, and build momentum.

Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Change is hard, and takes determination. The larger the change, the more difficult it will be to stick. Choose a goal that is lofty enough to inspire you, but not so out of reach that you won’t have any realistic chance of reaching it. 

If weight loss is your goal, come up with a plan to lose weight with goals to meet each week, instead of blindly saying “I want to lose 30 pounds”. If debt reduction is your goal, do the same. Attack your goal in chunks, setting small goals along the way. Meeting these goals will create momentum that will encourage you to keep going! 

Small changes are easier to stick to, so try changing some small things, and practice sticking to the change.

For instance, my wife is trying a juicing fast for 15 days. I’m not really prepared to go that hardcore, but I have decided to replace 1 meal with a homemade juice each day over that same time period. Only a couple days in, and I feel really good about the change. Since it’s a relatively small change, it doesn’t feel like much of a sacrifice, and getting the nutritional value of 1 juiced meal sure beats having no veggies at all (Funny enough, I’ve actually kind of started craving the juice - it’s really quite delicious).

Making this one change, and feeling good because of it, has actually inspired me in other areas. I’ve been running more recently (5k every morning), and just being more aware of what I’m eating. The way that makes me feel only inspires me to continue. That’s the kind of momentum I love!

So…. What are your New Years Resolutions?

Aging has a way of keeping you honest. I’ve heard it said that Time and Truth walk hand in hand. That’s a phrase I find myself coming back to all the time. We can talk a big game when we’re young, making up for all that experience we don’t have yet, but time moves forward and the truth is revealed… and talk becomes very very…. cheap.

Everyone has different experiences with growing older, but I can only really write about my own…. and in my experience, aging has knocked me down a peg or two. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful. I look back at my younger self, and I’m embarrassed at how big a game I talked with such little experience. I’m sure ten years from now, I’ll look at my current self and roll my eyes in just the same way. It’s healthy. If you’re impressed with who you were ten years ago, you’re not growing. 

I’ve found that time has worn down my sense of certainty in many things. You know how this works. You’re 19, and you think you know everything about the world because you’ve graduated high school, you have a car (that your parents helped you get), you have a job (part time, pays the phone bill only), and you have an apartment to call your own (that you split with 3 other people). You’re anxious to prove that you’re not a kid anymore, so naturally, you feel that you have to voice an opinion on everything. 

This describes 19-year-old me perfectly. I really was that guy. Luckily for me, I ended up bombing hard in a few areas…. bands, finances, relationships…. I messed a lot of things up. If I had succeeded in everything I did, I’d have turned into an awful person to be around (even more than I must have already been back then). My arrogance would have only grown. It was good for me to experience failure. 

Since that time, I’ve been so blessed to have some incredible life experiences. Touring the world playing music for a living, getting married to my favorite girl ever, buying my first home, and simply having amazing family and friends. If I had never been humbled by a healthy dose of defeat from time to time, I’d probably think I deserved these things. I’d most likely think of them as things I’d earned rather than things I’d been blessed with. 

Overall, I’m growing less certain of my own knowledge and strength. I’m sure I know more about the world now than I did ten years ago, but knowledge is not always empowering. It reminds me that I’m small, and the world is huge. 

All that being said, there are a few things in which my certainty has grown with age…. Sometimes the hard truths, while most difficult to face, can be our most potent allies as we walk into the future. Certainty in these truths is powerful. 

I am certain that I will experience many more failures in life, and it is a crucial success to recognize how little they define me.

I am certain that there will always be someone more talented than me, but being hard working, kind, and honest will always take you further than being lazy, arrogant, and deceitful. 

I am certain that my family will always be there for me, and I will always be there for them. We’ll face difficult times together. They may live in my basement, or I may live in theirs. We may have to prop each other up even when we don’t entirely understand each other. We may live in different continents, but we’ll also live in the uncommon joy of unconditional love.

I am certain that my wife is the single most significant and humbling blessing of my life. We share both light and dark, and are stronger and better for it. I know we will have good times and bad… and we’ll have moments where we’ll wonder if our marriage will survive… but we are in this for the long haul, and neither of us is going anywhere. We are each other’s fiercest defenders. So many of the best parts of me are simply emulations of her. I still have much to learn from and about her. 

Finally, I’m more certain than ever in the things I cannot see. I am certain that I am not here by accident. I am sure that God’s plans for my life so far have proved to be way more ambitious than my own, and I need to stop fighting Him about my future. I’m finding that the more people around me express their doubts, the more certain I become.

The truth needs no defense. Time is its defender. Of this I am unwaveringly certain.

Today is the final launch of the space shuttle program’s 30 year run. I’m up in the front lounge of our tour bus watching CNN in the front lounge. It’s strange to think that this is going to be the final shuttle launch ever, with the mission designated as STS-135.

When I was about 14, my family traveled down to Florida for vacation. This was one of my first time really exploring the United States, and we were driving down to FL from Canada, so we really got to see quite a bit. 

We saw a ton of amazing things on that vacation, but the highlight for me was the shuttle launch we went to watch in person. We went to see the launch of STS-89, a shuttle mission to the Russian MIR Space Station. 

I will never forget the experience. 

It was a night launch, taking off just before 10pm. We watched from a causeway about 5 miles away. There was a body of water between us and the shuttle. Roughly 50,000 people were gathered alongside us to watch the launch. 

We waited and waited…. and when the shuttle finally burst into life, a fireball was all we could really see. I watched a shockwave come across the water, and when it reached us, the sound of the shuttle hit me right in the chest. I was amazed at how something 5 miles away could be so powerful as to hit you that hard despite the distance. Amazing.

We are now 2 mins to launch of this final shuttle. 

Godspeed, Atlantis.

This morning I read a tweet that said, “We are not defined by twitter.” I thought about that for a minute…. and found myself disagreeing with the core of what he was trying to say. 

The whole story is this…… @daveramsey sometimes like to get into little one-liner matches with people who wish to argue with him. Haha. I think it’s mostly sport for him, but every once and a while there’s an interesting truth or lesson to be drawn from the exchanges. This was one of those times. 

It started when @daveramsey tweeted, “If you have thousands of tweets and 7 followers what does that mean?”

A local Nashvillian responded, “Absolutely nothing. We are not defined by twitter.”

At first glance, most people would agree with this statement. We hate the idea of our identity being dictated to us by an outside entity, be it a corporation, social network, government, or anything outside our control. This is understandable. I completely agree with the sentiment that WE decide what defines us. 

However, the core of what he’s saying is “What I say on Twitter doesn’t matter. It doesn’t define who I am.”, and I have to emphatically disagree with that………….. but we do agree that defining ourselves is important, right?

So then, the obvious big question is:

How do we go about defining ourselves? 

I believe, and I think most people would agree, that it’s by our actions… our behavior.

If I’m kind to people, a hard worker, self-reliant, resourceful, and honest…. I am choosing to define myself by those traits. If I’m cruel, lazy, a mooch, unimaginative, and dishonest, I am choosing to define myself by THOSE traits. Either way, people will see me in the light of what I have chosen to be.

I’ve heard the phrase “Actions speak louder than words.” a million times, and I can’t help but feel that this catchphrase is unrealistic.

Words ARE actions. 

When you speak, you’re communicating ideas to others, and those ideas can either build or destroy, just like actions can. They can be powerful. 

Your words are part of the fabric of what you are choosing to be.

So when it comes to twitter, facebook, and other social networks….. I agree that they don’t define you in and of themselves. I agree that no CEO in a suit (or in this case, Adidas flip-flops) can tell you who you are… and no, I don’t think that your number of followers defines you either.

However, the definition of YOU is still up to you. What you say on these social networks is an extension of who you are. Words ARE actions. I’m not saying that you need to treat every tweet like a press release… but I am saying, in all things…. be true to what it is you want to be.

Be true to your definition of you.

If you’re a wonderful person in real life, you will be a wonderful person on Twitter.

If you’re a miserable person in real life, you will be a miserable person on Twitter….

…and you might end up with more enemies than friends, both online and off.

Information has never been more readily available to most of us than it is today. News travels across the globe in seconds, not hours; long lost old high school friends are at our fingertips on social networks; and the answer to nearly any question is just a google away. As more and more aspects of our lives are connected online, some of us find ourselves asking what kind of a future we’re moving into, and what exactly are we leaving behind? 

Now, I know what you’re thinking…. PLEASE don’t tell me this is another blog post written by a self-righteous white male twenty-something who is going to preach at me about the evils of technology from his Apple computer and broadband internet connection. I would be thinking the same thing if I were you. That’s not the point I’m interested in making. I’m not going to tell you to throw your iPhone into the lake, or delete your facebook account… so chill out.

I don’t think technology is evil at all…. I think it’s incredible! The truth is, all these amazing developments in the flow of information are overwhelmingly adding more to our culture than they’re taking away from it. Having said that… I do believe there is a very real trade-off we’re making for all this instant gratification. 

In centuries past, humanity’s greatest thinkers were all gripped by questions that moved them, and filled their imagination….. questions that started with the words “I wonder……” 

Newton wondered what caused things to fall to the ground. Galileo wondered if the Earth was perhaps not the center of the universe. Einstein wondered if light and energy could potentially be two forms of the same thing. They all spent time observing the world around them, and their observations eventually led them to ask questions which they were driven to find answers for. Of course, their pursuits of those answers are why they left such a mark on the world as we know it today.

The key here is that each of them spent a great deal of time……. just……… thinking. 

It seems as though the sparks of wonder and curiosity tend to creep into our minds gradually….. They find us in long car rides staring out the window, and late night conversations with sympathetic imagineers. They find us in the lazy Sunday afternoons and long walks with the dog. They find us like the sun beginning to burn off the fog at the lakeshore in the early morning hours. Imagination seems to wait for us to stop moving………. and only springs into being when we’re at rest.

The danger with the information we’re bombarded with each day is that it can cause us to never actually be at rest. We’re constantly checking our email, or watching our twitter feeds to see what our friends are doing. We’re checking up on our spouses’ facebook pages to see who they’re befriending and who’s writing on their walls. We’re scanning news websites for news and opinion pieces disguised as news. 

Our lives are filled with soundbytes.

These morsels of information satisfy us for only a moment before we’re left looking for the next thing. Smartphones make everything even more accessible. Now we don’t even need a computer. We bring it all with us. When we leave the house, we’re bringing the totality of human history and knowledge along, so long as we have a solid 3g signal.

Again, I’m not bashing any of this. I think it’s amazing…. I simply want to be aware of the things I’m in danger of giving up in return for these incredible abilities.

So, that little rabbit-trail brings me to the main thing I wanted to share….

I’ve made a small social change recently that’s opened my eyes to some of the effects of having an iPhone on me all the time…..

When I go out to lunch or dinner with Jess, my wife, I’ve started leaving my phone in the car. Since I tend to be glued to that little thing, I decided that this was the only way to give her my undivided attention. Really, didn’t think it would change anything, but I was wrong.

The difference was profound. Once I stopped instinctively reaching for it every 60 seconds, I found that I was far more engaged in conversation. I didn’t just listen and respond…. I watched her mouth form words, and found myself interested in the little movements of her face as she spoke. I wanted to know more than what she thought about things, I wanted to know why she thought them, and how she found herself feeling this way, etc. 

I felt as though I had been spending most of our time together swimming on the surface of deep lake, without ever realizing how far down it went. It was amazing.

So, while I’m not planning any kind of crusade against technology, I am determined more than ever to prevent it from robbing my life of real depth and wonder. I want to be ready to set it aside at times, and allow myself to be inaccessible to anyone other than the one in front of me.

I plan to remember to sometimes just sit and be…. and let the sparks of wonder and imagination find their way to me.

The conclusion to a discussion about life’s “Awkward Years”.

CLICK HERE for Part I

CLICK HERE for Part II

I wanted to conclude here, with another thought, and this one may or may not make you feel better…. 

The awkward years never entirely end. 

Sucks, doesn’t it? But it’s the truth. 

Here’s what I mean by it….

The things that we worry about the most during this time, we tend to worry about our entire lives. 

Who am I?

What is my purpose?

Am I capable of fulfilling it?

What if I can’t do it?

What if I’m not good enough?

As we grow up and into adulthood, these questions tend to linger in the back of our minds. It’s easy to look at successful people and think that they don’t worry about these kinds of things, but that is a lie. They absolutely do worry about these things. In fact, I sometimes think that success ups the ante on these questions. The more successful someone is, the more others tend to rely on them, and the more crucial it begins to feel that they need to have the the answers to these questions. 

The truth is that nobody has it really figured out.

Think about this.

Most children tend to think that their parents know it all, and have all the answers. You can see why they would think that. As children, we had so little life experience that an adult appeared to have infinite experience. As we got older, we began to question our parents’ judgment. We began to assert our own thoughts and opinions. This felt great at first. 

Then comes the fateful day where we see our parents make a mistake. A big one. One we don’t think we would have made. It’s a terrifying experience. In our heads, we already know that our parents don’t know everything, and they’re not perfect… but this experience brings that knowledge down to our hearts, and it leaves us feeling incredibly uneasy… because it shows us that our parents struggle with these questions just as much as we do. They STILL do.

They ask themselves questions like…

Am I a good parent?

Am I doing a good job raising my kids?

Would their childhood be better if we had more money? Or less?

Am I spoiling them? Or am I too hard on them?

Would their childhood be better if we lived somewhere else? Or if we moved less?

Are they missing out on anything?

Am I teaching them about God the way I should?

Am I turning into my father/mother?

Look at these questions….. Do you see that they’re just variations of the questions we asked ourselves before?

Who am I?

What is my purpose?

Am I capable of fulfilling it?

What if I can’t do it?

What if I’m not good enough?

The only difference is that now life has superimposed specifics onto the questions. The stakes have been raised, because the questions don’t just involve them anymore… the questions involve their children… You.

So our search for the answers to these questions never really ends. 

While that thought seems daunting at first, it’s also liberating…. because it means that everyone on earth continues to struggle with these thoughts to this day. Everyone. Including the cool kids at school, the boss at your job, your teachers, politicians, presidents. Each of them is searching for these answers too. You are not alone.

I tend to think that part of the process of moving on from the awkward years is partially the acceptance of this fact. We know we don’t have it all figured out, and we know that nobody else does either. 

As we get older, we continue to learn, and life gets a little less awkward as time passes. Haha. If we stay humble and constantly ready to learn, we get better at dealing with people, better at relationships. We start to figure out things we are good at and interested in, and follow those hints towards a life purpose.

Through all of these steps there will be hard times. There will be new awkward phases that come and go with new challenges and lessons. I’ve heard that the average person changes careers five times in their life. I’d be willing to bet most of those career changes are produced by an awkward year or two.

We all worry about the future. I certainly do. I wonder if (and hope that) the boys and I will do the HN band thing for another year, five years, ten years, or however long - and I wonder what I will do afterwards. I wonder how I will provide for the family and children that I would love to have someday. These thoughts are constantly in the back of my mind. 

If I can give any advice for these times - and I’m speaking to myself as much as anyone…. I would share these thoughts….

• Stay close to God. He is the paver of the path.
• Stay humble. Pride will delay blessings far more than failure will.
• Stay kind. Be good to those around you, a blessing, not a burden.
• Stay positive. I’m constantly amazed at how far unstoppable joy will take you.

“My brothers and sisters, think of the various tests you encounter as occasions for joy. After all, you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. Let this endurance complete its work so that you may be fully mature, complete, and lacking in nothing.” - James 1:2-4, Common English Bible

Thanks for bearing with me on this incredibly long rabbit-trail.

Jonathan

A continuation of a discussion about life’s “Awkward Years”.

CLICK HERE for Part I

I wanted to continue here, with a truth and a picture:

Everyone has awkward years.

I certainly did.

This is me with a few buddies during my awkward years.

I’m the second from the left. Yep. The guy with the glasses, the sideburns, the attempted soul-patch, the greasy hair and the white coral necklace. CORAL. What was I thinking? Giving the camera that sideways stare like I knew it all. 

These were some of the most lost years of my life. I was aimless. I felt like I was waiting for life to begin. I was done high school, but real adult life was nowhere to be found. The longer this period of time went on the more self-destructive I got.

For a period of about 3-4 years between finishing high school and joining Hawk Nelson, I didn’t have a whole lot of purpose in my life. Sure, I was part of a church, and I was active there. I had a job and I had friends. Even still, there was always something missing. I needed direction. Goals. Something to put my mind and hands to. 

I knew I wanted to do music, so I started a band, and then another band, and then another. I was restless, and never really finished things I started. Nothing seemed to click. I started to doubt myself - my own abilities and gifts. It started to seem as though life made sense for everyone but me. I didn’t seem to fit anywhere.

These years seemed completely pointless at the time. So the question is - were they?

I don’t think so, and here’s why.

I look back at these years all the time. Partially because there were some fun times (I was incredibly reckless), but mostly because these years remind me that God always has a plan. During these awkward years of my life, God was working behind the scenes. He was preparing me, and also preparing the people He planned to bring into my life.

At the time, my wife would have been about 15, probably living out some of her own awkward years down in California. Who knows what would have happened if we had met during that time? God knew that we would be married in the future, but also knew that neither of us was ready. He had a lot of work to accomplish in each of us first, and He was waiting for the timing to be right. 

If I had joined Hawk Nelson early on in these awkward years, I never would have been given the chance to grow into leading worship at church and youth events, and I doubt I would have come to feel so deeply about worship music. I have a suspicion that I will return to being a lot more involved in worship music sometime in the future, and I’m sure I’ll draw on those years of my life for inspiration. God had work to do in me before sending me out on the road with Hawk Nelson. 

Also, God was teaching me the value of patience. Only a spoiled child gets whatever he wants whenever he wants it. Marriage means more to me because it took me a while to get there. A career is more valuable to me because I floundered for a while before finding it. Those years help me appreciate what I have. I’m grateful for those years.

God uses these awkward years to build you into who he made you to be. It’s so difficult to see at the time, but in retrospect, it’s amazing to see how God is constantly preparing things behind the curtains. 

I needed the awkward years. To grow and put down roots. 

Think about it this way.

When a tree is first planted, it doesn’t seem to grow much for the first few years. This is because it’s growing below the ground. You can’t see it, but the roots grow out and deep first…. only once the tree has a strong root system can it start to grow its branches and leaves above ground. 

So if you feel like that is where you are right now…. and you’re not sure what your purpose is at the moment… this is it. You’re growing below the surface. You might not even be able to sense it yourself…. but it’s happening right now.

God is preparing you for the future he has for you.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -  Jeremiah 29:11, NIV

In the last couple of days I’ve run into a few people in a certain phase of life I call “the awkward years”. Most people go through this phase at least once in their life… often times when graduating either high school or college.

It’s the phase of life where the main focus of our lives has suddenly come to a conclusion, and we’re left wondering… “What now?!” Sometimes it can take a few years to find a sense of direction, and during those years life can sometimes feel purposeless, and maybe even hopeless.

During these times, there can be so much pressure. We feel as though we need to have it all figured out RIGHT NOW. We feel like the world is big, and we’re so small. Worst of all, we feel as though we’re the only ones struggling. Everyone else seems to have everything so figured out. We start to feel alone, and it feels as though it will always be this way.

I have some thoughts about this phase of life, and I wanted to share them with you. I’ll stagger it into several posts to keep it from getting too lengthy….

I wanted to start here, with this thought:

God doesn’t make mistakes.

We sure do, but God doesn’t. In fact, it seems as though one of his favorite things to do is take a mistake or wrongdoing of ours, and turn it into something glorious. 

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” - Genesis 50:20, NIV

Before you were born, God had a plan for your life. Think about that for a second. Before your PARENTS were born, or before THEIR parents were born, you were an idea in God’s mind. He specifically thought about creating you. At the same time that he was putting the stars in the sky, and igniting the sun, he planned on creating you. It’s a spectacular thought. 

Now when you think about God having a plan for your life…. it has to be understood that this is not the kind of plan than you and I are used to. We tend to think of a plan as a linear, step-by-step process. I’m going to get up, get ready, go to work, get coffee at lunch, go back to work, get groceries, pick up the dry cleaning, and go to a birthday party, and so on. If you accidentally burned your house down at 10am, none of the post-10am plans would happen. It would all be thrown out the window. 

God’s plans aren’t like that. 

We are such linear creatures, human beings. We understand life’s little steps, but we rarely get a glimpse of the overall picture. When God makes plans, He sees it all, both the big picture and the minute details. His plans for you are huge and tiny at the same time. They also involve more than you… His plans include everyone you will ever come into contact with, and His plans for each them involve you also. They are infinitely intricate and elegant. 

While that’s hard enough to comprehend, it’s even harder for us to grasp this next bit - God’s plans include our free will.

In order to have relationship with someone, you need to release them from your control. God created us for relationship…. with each other, yes, but ultimately with Him. He didn’t want mindless little robots that would do his bidding simply because that’s all their capable of. He wanted relationship with beings that CHOOSE to be in relationship with Him. That means that these beings would be capable of choosing just the opposite. The existence of that choice was necessary in order for the relationship to be real and meaningful. 

The incomprehensible elegance of God’s plan for your life is that He’s capable of fulfilling it EVEN THOUGH we each have moments when we choose that second option. Regardless of what we’ve done, the times we’ve walked away from Him, and the moments we’ve chosen to live as though we know better than He does… He loves us…. and His plan is bigger than all that. He loves turning evil into good. 

You can never go so far away from Him that this stops being true. God created you for a reason, and life is the very messy business of discovering it. It seems to take a lifetime, but God doesn’t make mistakes. You are not here by accident.

No matter where you are right now, God sees you. He loves you. And He’s always there… ready to take the darkest parts of you, and say… “Watch what I can do.”

Before we get to my thoughts on @dovejokes - a little background for those who are unfamiliar with the story (Skip ahead if you know all about the Doves and @DoveJokes):

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Last weekend the Dove Awards aired on the Gospel Music Channel. They were actually filmed earlier in the week at the Fox Theater in Atlanta. If you’re not familiar with the Dove Awards at all, they’re basically the Christian music version of the Grammy’s - an award show celebrating Christian music. 

As with all award shows, the Doves aren’t without some controversy…. especially when winners are announced. Most fans would never be aware of the drama that swirls around the Doves…. although twitter and the internet have changed that a bit recently.

The most prevalent issue is known as “block voting”. When nominees for a category are announced…. Artist on Label #1 will tend to get the votes of anyone associated with Label #1, and Artist on Label #2 will tend to get the votes of anyone associated with Label #2, and so forth. These people might be label employees, other artists on the label…. etc…. but the key is that nearly every voting member has some sort of label affiliation. That means that any artist on the label with the most voting members (employess, artists, etc). has a decisive advantage…. and that means that artist on the biggest label(s) tend to win. Most complaints about this process revolve around the argument that awards should be based more on achievement than label affiliation. 

Annnnnnyways…. On to the story at hand. 

Many folks at the Doves have quietly grumbled in the past about the illegitimacy of the Dove awards…. but it’s always been quiet and somewhat behind closed doors. This year, the dissent had a place to go…. and that place was Twitter. 

A twitter account called @DoveJokes was created, and the login info was passed around for many artists and label folks to have….. so, during the filming of the Doves, people were cracking jokes in real-time, and anyone else who knew about the account could read them. It was like a realtime rifftrax that people could follow to make sitting through the 5 hour ceremony a little more fun. The account was started the afternoon of the taping, and by the end of the evening it had over 1,000 followers. 

Initially the jokes were pretty tame, but as time went on pretty much everyone was getting ripped on. I wasn’t at the Doves, but I sure enjoyed hearing all the little quips about the event. Eventually the block voting issue became the topic of conversation, because it seemed that nearly every award was being won by an artist on a single label. The criticism piled up throughout the night.

Eventually people started getting offended. Some thought the jokes had gone too far, others felt that by making fun of the Doves that the jokesters were disrespecting Christian music as a whole, and still others felt personally attacked for jokes that may have been made in reference to them. 

A conversation arose out of the fray, with questions being raised such as….. Are the Dove awards fairly won or not? If not, then why have them in the first place? Do the Doves even matter? If not, why do we still participate in them? Is it appropriate for dissent to take the form of anonymous tweets? Is it hurtful to fans, who are certainly not privy to the issues behind the curtains at the Doves? 

And that’s where we are today. 

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Here are my thoughts:

I think the Dove Awards are a great idea. It’s a night to celebrate what God has done through the power of music, using the artists and industry folks that work in Christian music. I believe the Gospel Music Association is doing the best it knows how to honor that original goal. I think there certainly are some issues with how the winners are decided, but at the end of the day, I don’t really care who wins…. and I can say that as a member of a band who has lost a few times. 

In 2005 our album Letters to the President was nominated for Rock Album of the Year. We went to the awards, and we had a blast. Jason caused some commotion when he yelled “I love you Amy Grant!” to Rebecca St. James during a commercial break. Haha… When our category came up, we lost to Day of Fire. I remember being disappointed, but we were really just happy to be there, in the company of so many other people making music.

Sure, we thought “block voting” may have influenced the outcome of that award, but at the end of the day, we didn’t really care. We were stoked to be making music for a living, and we were in the middle of a tour with TobyMac and Audio Adrenaline, so we were really on cloud nine. 

I think what it comes down to is validation. That’s what all of this is about. 

If you really looked to the Dove Awards for validation, then of course you would be upset about the apparent unfairness in the voting. You would want to be honored by your peers in front of your peers. I’m not saying I wouldn’t want that, or be glad if it came my way, but I guess that simply isn’t where I find my validation. 

Hawk Nelson has always first and foremost been a live touring band. Our favorite thing in the world is to play live shows and have rooms full of people yelling our songs back at us. We love hearing stories of how God has used one of our songs to change someone’s life, or sometimes even save it. That kind of stuff is the best! THAT is where we find our validation. 

The reality is that the things we really care about as a band are alive and well. So far, we’ve released 5 albums, had so many great shows in amazing places, and connected with so many awesome people along the way. I am so incredibly blessed, and I don’t need a gold dove on my mantle to know that. Some of the artists we’ve lost Doves to are no longer together or making music…. so I count myself doubly blessed. First to be able to make music in the first place, and second that we are continuing to do so in the future!

When it comes to the Doves, I have a hard time getting very worked up either way. The whole thing kind of seems like a vestigial organ of an industry that is evolving and changing…. with some older parts becoming somewhat less relevant as time goes on. For this reason, I’m neither surprised nor disappointed when we aren’t really recognized there.

When it comes to @dovejokes - I think the conversation is good. I love that it’s turned into an outlet for people to express legitimate points about the current system in which Christian music is written, distributed, sold, and celebrated. It’s healthy to be able to look at ourselves critically, and wonder what we could do better. It’s also healthy to be able to laugh at ourselves from time to time!

I like to think that God always has something better in the future. For this reason, I’m not often sad at the end of a tour, recording project, or much else for that matter. I trust and believe that what God has for us tomorrow is even better that what he had for us today - and that’s saying something. 

There will always be some who harbor bitterness, but those same people are the ones who will cling to the past, and render themselves irrelevant. Bitterness grows stale with time, and is eventually rejected by anyone who doesn’t want to be left behind. It’s the hopeful that inherit the future… and they don’t need a golden dove on their mantle to know that either. 

I’m starting to think that everyone is born with the same amount of cool. Everyone from James Dean to Warren Buffet to William Hung. The same amount of cool to last a lifetime. The differences are in when and how they burn through it…

Think about it. For those of us in our late 20’s…. remember that guy in highschool that was the super cool kid? Yeah the guy giving new kids swirlies and pushing nerds into lockers? Yeah. That guy.

Where is he now? That’s what I thought.

He burt through that cool faster than a freight train, and was all out by the time he hit 21.

That’s what I call the QUICK FLASH.

This is also true in the world of music. I remember very early in my touring days, I had a conversation with an audio crew guy on a tour. I was asking (foolishly) if he had ever wanted to be a musician before he became an audio tech. His reply was…. “Jon, you know what I want? To have a job…. and the truth is…. bands come and go, but a good audio guy will always have work.” 

It struck me then that he had a valid point. There’s always gonna be a new cool band or artist hitting the scene that everyone’s talking about…. but a few short years later their careers could be over. Any decent crew guys working for that artist could then move on to whatever new cool band or artist is hitting the scene, and continue to have work. The super cool bands of yesterday are stuck trying to figure out what the heck to do with their lives now. They burnt out their cool too quickly! The crew guys are smart enough to do the slow-burn with their cool.

Even amongst bands, being ultra-cool can sometimes equal a pretty short career.

Remember Owl City? For one summer, that stuff was EVERYWHERE. I really liked it, actually…. but when anybody hears Owl City now, the first comment is… “Oh yeah, the summer of 2009 was fun.” Whenever he gets around to a follow-up record, people may or may not be all that interested.

QUICK FLASH.

Bands like Dave Matthews Band however? They slow-burned their cool.

Nobody would pretend that DMB are the newest, trendiest, hippest guys in the biz. But they make music that has connected with people over the years, and they are still one of the most successful and profitable touring bands in the world. Any musician would be crazy not to appreciate the kind of career these guys have had.

See? SLOW BURN. 

I think it is possible to balance the two…. 

Some people (BRUUUUUUCE!) can ride this fine line into the sunset with a bag of gold and an entourage of friends. I’m always impressed with cool people that seem to last the test of time. Generally, they don’t think of themselves as cool…. and they are NEVER trying very hard to BE cool. They just are. 

And THAT is the ULTIMATE SLOW BURN!

The last 7 years of my life really have been an adventure. I’ve joined a band and left my home country with 4 days notice, seen 49 of the 50 American states (Hawaii is on the list for this year), been to 9 countries, gotten married, bought a house, and had countless incredible experiences along the way. You could say when you’re in a band, adventure comes with the territory, and that’s definitely true… But I think even band guys have varying perspectives on what adventure looks like, and exactly how it appeals to them.

Tonight I’m flying from Dallas back home to Nashville, and I’ve found myself contemplating the ways in which adventure appeals to me.

I should say up front that I moved around a lot growing up, and that gave me a lot of experience with change. I was constantly changing towns, houses, and schools. I was perpetually the “new kid”, and I’m quite certain that has played into my personality. I enjoy new experiences and new friends, and I genuinely fear the idea of staying in one place for too long. I think this means that for me, the notion of adventure is closely tied to traveling or moving. I’m sure that’s part of the reason I love touring so much….

…. but back to the real point I’m making. I think adventure is one of the things I seek most in life, but I’ve come to realize that on it’s own, it is just not enough. Adventure for adventure’s sake strikes me as being completely hollow and empty.

After considering this for a while, I think there are three key ingredients in real, satisfying, fulfilling adventure…… Companionship, Direction, and Expiration. These are the things that separate lonely, purposeless, and endless ordeals from true adventure.

First, a great adventure has to be a shared one. We need companionship! Sure, there are some types that think a week-long solo backpacking trip in the mountains sounds like a blast, but most of us aren’t that type. Real adventure is not a solo flight.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced a moment when you’re telling a friend about an amazing thing that happened to you, and realize that the depth of the experience was lost on them. No matter what words you use, or how much you emphasize each syllable, they will never feel exactly what you felt in that moment. A breathtaking sunset, a gigantic thundering waterfall, or a first kiss…. These are not things that can be explained, they have to be experienced.

Shared experiences have the power to connect people in unique ways. Jess and I once found ourselves stranded in Italy. We didn’t know the language, Jess’s passport had been stolen, and we had very little cash. It was a crazy, stressful experience, and many things about it were not ideal, but I know how much that shared adventure brought us together. You can’t buy that kind of connection.

The second ingredient in a real adventure is Direction. Over the past 7 years, I’ve probably spent 1200-1400 nights on the road. Driving through the night in a van, sleeping in a hotel room or tour bus, or, most miserably, flying a red-eye somewhere. Now, I don’t think any sane person would do this just for the heck of it. It gets old. Quick. Traveling ages you at an accelerated rate, I’m sure of it. Body, mind and soul. It’s hard on you. All of this would be empty and hollow if there was no purpose behind it.

The other Hawk Nelson guys and I are incredibly blessed to be able to travel all over and play music for a living. It truly is our passion. We’ve been blessed to be able to connect with people in a very special way, since I firmly believe that sometimes music can communicate things that words could never do alone. So the idea that we could connect with so many people in this way is spectacular to us. That’s why we relish the touring…. It’s what gives purpose to our lives.

Along the way, we have made more memories than I can possibly recall. We’ve had some huge highs and some painful lows. All of this has been, and continues to be, an incredible adventure, and it will never ring hollow because it is driven by the purpose and direction God has planted in each of us.

Lastly, a satisfying adventure needs Expiration. We’ve all heard it said, “all good things must come to an end”. We sometimes fight this thought (even now my iPhone tried to autocorrect “end” to “endless” - what a sneaky device), and most of us can be intimidated by the idea of change.

If we think about it though… It’s endings that make life’s journeys special. The last day of school, the last show of a tour, or, most dramatically, the last day of someone’s life… Endings make us aware of the value of our experiences. We would fail to appreciate them if they were endless.

I know that someday Hawk Nelson will come to an end. With any luck, that day is still far off…. But its the recognition of the inevitability of that day that’s important. It reminds me that each moment is special.

Someday my youthful good looks will age. :) Eventually my awesome white ‘99 Dodge Dakota will kick the bucket. At some point, my parents will die and go to be with Jesus. Someday Jess will pass away. Someday I will as well.

These are not possibilities…. These are certainties, and it’s important to remind yourself of them from time to time… Not in a depressing or negative way, but simply to bring a renewed sense of depth to life’s adventures.

As cliche as it is to say it like this, life is a GIGANTIC adventure. Each of our lives has many chapters, and it is so exciting that we have no idea where God will take us next.

As for me, I will always try to strive for more than empty, hollow, or selfish adventures. I want the kind that satisfy…. And I couldn’t imagine being more blessed by my adventures so far.

Thanks for being patient with my ramblings. I hope they were somewhat coherent.

We’re landing in Nashville now and I’ve been typing on my phone the entire way….. I’m finishing my final sentences and my phone is supposed to be off. Do you really think this thing could interfere with the plane’s navigation? I’m doubtful.

I guess I could tell the pilot…. “Hey, don’t you want some adventure in your life?”

Our road manager, Josh, wrote this note this morning, and I thought it was awesome…. So I wanted to share it….

Josh writes:

My wife tweeted something along the lines of “What’s the secret to life” the other day. There’s a question that you see and forget … . or not. I don’t know if there’s one secret, but I’ve thought of several personal philosophies and here they are:

-Know Yourself: Take every opportunity to turn an eye inward and discover who you are as a person. Your strengths, weaknesses, excesses and limits are all a crucial part of finding your stride in life. Only when you understand these and move through them with confidence will life be as rich as it can be.

-Be Diligent: Never miss a chance to engage something. Work, play or relaxation, be 100% there for them all.

-Heal: We are all broken people. Take the time to discover the brokenness, embrace it and start a journey of healing.

-Experiences last a lifetime: There is more life in the world than any one person will ever experience, but that shouldn’t stop anyone from trying. Taking in things outside of our day-to-day routine challenge us and broaden our understanding of how amazing life can be.

-Embrace Relationship: This one isn’t always pretty, but it’s the way we were made to live; side-by-side, arm-in-arm; pick your clichè. We can’t do anything above on our own. Life is made ever so richer when we share it with others.

To this point in my life, these are the five things that have most led me to happiness. These apply to spiritual pursuits, professional lives, personal lives - all are far reaching. But it may not matter, since my wife stole her tweeted question from a television commercial. Hmmm … number 6 might be “don’t get duped by a TV commercial”.